dating actors
i got this in an email and wanted to share the truth with you...
Don't date us.
Seriously. Don't date an actor. I know we all seem to be very
charming and outgoing when you first look at us, but I'm here to tell
you something; we are the worst people in the world to date.
We are all slowly killing ourselves internally. We are. We are faced
with rejection on a near-daily basis. And as much as we tell you
that it doesn't bother us, it does. It hurts the very core of our
beings.
We are only used to seeing people for six weeks at a time. After
that, the sound of the same person's voice will make us want to
scream. We hate it when people tell us what to do, but we will
constantly ask for advice. We want a director in our lives. Someone
who is telling us things we want to hear (praise, attention,
affection), but when that person has constructive criticism, we can't
stand him or her anymore. If you ever tell us how to do something or
correct us on how we remember things, you're pretty much out of our
lives forever.
We only have the same six stories about how great some summer show was
and we will tell them over and over and over again. We might get
into fist fights over the best season of SNL.
We are always talking to ourselves. In the shower, in the car, in our
beds at night. Sometimes you will find us talking to corners,
plants, televisions. We sometimes want you to listen to us say the
same three minutes of material you've heard about one million times
and then ask if you can see the "subtle" changes we have made.
We are constantly having to see other people's shows, even really bad
shows, and we have to tell the person that was in the show that it was
really good work. We're not being a good friend or anything, its
just that deep down we know that if the other person were up for the
same role we're up for, we know that we are better and will get the
part.
It's not pretty, and we know it. We are horrible, terrible, annoying people.
The bitch of it is, every single one of us will tell you that we never
want to date an actor. I bet every actor you know is dating an actor.
If they weren't actors when they started dating, they became actors
(or techies) by having to "help out" with a show when someone drops
out. Eventually, everyone in the circle becomes a performer. Every
single one of us will tell you that we never want to date an actor;
that they are moody and flaky and irresponsible and self centered.
And then we crawl right back and date another actor.
Because we are slaves to our talent. We're slaves to pretty things.
We are more turned on by stage presence than a good meal. I'm not
kidding. I don't care how well you cook or dress or hike or catch a
football. We want to see you do some Tony Kushner. That's all we
want. That is so hot.
We love ourselves more than anyone else in the world, and we hate
ourselves just as passionately at the same time. W e will be so happy
that we will start crying because we realize that we may never feel
this happy again. We will be so angry that we will create a whole
situation out of the lack of ice in the freezer. We create our own
drama. We live and breathe drama. If there's no drama, you're not
living. We have each other passionately for forcing us to go see
other shows and having to listen to their drama when its OUR drama and
OUR shows that are the most important. We'll skip a friend's show to
have sex, and then when they skip our show to go to the emergency
room, they are assholes.
You. Can't. Win.
An actor will kill you slowly. We never shut up. We never stop
talking. When we've stopped talking it's because we're depressed, and
we will be blaming ourselves, but we'll probably take it out on you.
Do you want to live with this?
Save yourself the pain and self esteem issues. Sure, we're great at
parties, but when the lights go out, we are miserable, moody, overly
sensitive people with such paranoid delusion that we are able to
convince ourselves that the entire world hates us.
I may never get to do a show again for this, but I think that it's
good to let you know that we are not what we appear to be. We can't
help it. We're actors.
